To the Dads

When referring to parents of children with autism, we typically are referring to the moms and how it is they manage to orchestrate family life, amidst the unpredictability of autism. But this is a salute to the dads, who are equally bewildered and stunned on first receiving their child's diagnosis. Like the moms, they have to figure out how to navigate this new world they didn't expect to be in. Their challenges in dealing with this information are different than the mothers, by the very nature of the differences between men and women. Some are paralyzed and don't know which way to move, and others immediately seek solutions and google interventions and research. As their children develop, it is remarkable to see how these fathers come to terms with their child's disability.

It has been my observation over the years to see a change in fathers. Thirty years ago, the child rearing was still very much the purview of the mother; managing the school schedule, the dietary requirements, doctors' visits, etc. And, what seemed to me, a reluctance or perhaps a lack of understanding on the part of the dads to accept the disability for its apparent limitations. But that appears very differently now in the dads I meet. While it certainly can't be an easy life, there is much more humor and acceptance of the personalities and peculiarities of the children. I don't know if its just my imagination, but it seems that dads have in some way been granted permission to enjoy their children more and the situations they find themselves in. I suppose that's the only good thing to come from the increase in the incidence of autism - more people are aware of it, recognize it, and are slightly less likely to be quite so judgemental - that is still ever present.

So, here's to the dads - to Jim, who enjoys joking with son Jeffrey and have worked out some funny little routines; to Sean, who laughingly came to school to collect the computer son Jack took to school while he got Jack's backpack; to the group of moms and dads who took their kids to family camp this weekend; to David, a single dad who revels in the accomplishments of his son Jonathan in the music group, the "Magic Makers"; to Joe, another single dad whose daughter Krysten is moving on to a new adult program; to Jim, father to Matthew and Jonny, whose adoration for his kids is palpable; to Christopher, who takes his Jonny everywhere and delights in his compatability. Okay, the list is too long. To all the dads, who may be baffled and harried, but who fight and advocate for the best their child can have. They may not show it obviously, but it is clear these children love their dads and I'm sure they know well their dads love them.