The Holidays with Autism

Holidays are the time we want to be with our families, even when it involves the trials of travel, traffic delays, and of course, the turkey. (If people really love turkey so much, why don't we eat it more often? I think maybe its symbolic of the holidays - if we did it any more often, we'd likely kill one another). And yet..... everyone loves the holidays, right? Stress and the holidays seem to go hand in hand and it all seems to be about this idea of getting together with our families. Why is that? What is it about our families that make us slightly (or maybe totally) crazy? Maybe its because we tend to anticipate how others may behave or what may be said, and if that expectation materializes, it can activate long held-in-check emotions. Or maybe its just because too much emphasis is put on the idea of everyone in the same place at the same time - and being happy while doing it.

But what is this ostensibly Norman Rockwell scene like for families with children with autism? When families congregate, typically the adults expect to have time catching up on all the goings on since the last visit and the children are expected to have fun playing because, it is assumed, all children love to play. But that's not likely to happen when there is a child with autism around. No doubt, some adult will have to watch the child carefully. And that usually means being in a separate room by themselves watching "Thomas the Train" or other favorite that will keep the child occupied and not running through the house disturbing all those others who want to be together. How fun is that?? Not exactly in the spirit of the holidays and sharing!

Love and acceptance of any person has to mean being happy with them the way they are, not the way we wish them to be. And maybe that's the problem for all of us when the holidays come around. We want our relatives to be the picture of contented 'normalcy' and to be kind, generous, and accommodating of all our foibles. Shouldn't that be true also for families with kids with autism? Don't they belong somewhere in that picture? Since we know in advance that the holidays won't be as perfect as they are hyped up to be, perhaps we should re-think having fun on intense family days, such as Thanksgiving. Maybe renting a jump house for all the kids would make more sense than trying to make the kids with autism be something they aren't.

our 40th anniversary

Well, we did it. With a lot of help from a lot of wonderful people, we managed to throw a pretty spectacular shindig at the stunning San Jose City Hall last Saturday night. With visits from a host of VIPs, including our very own Mayor Chuck Reed, and many families and old friends of Morgan Autism Center, the night was indeed special. The art work of the students was, as always, unique and intriguing, and some, magnificent, but the highlight of the evening( for me anyway) was when one of our adult clients, Wanda, and her older sister, Renay, came up to speak. Renay very briefly spoke of how her single mom, Donna, and family of five girls was constantly perplexed by her youngest sister's strange and confusing behavior. When Wanda was five, her mother consulted a psychologist for advice and was told to take her home and let her 'play in the mud.' Not exactly helpful. She found a program for Wanda, but Wanda quickly regressed, until the school asked her mother to keep her home. About that time, Wanda's speech therapist told Wanda's mom that she had seen a new program that looked like it was designed for Wanda. So, Wanda started at Morgan Autism Center when she was 7 years old. Her mother always has said that once she started at MAC, Wanda seemed to feel like 'there was a place in the world for her'. And their family has been very grateful for all the years Wanda has been with us, helping her understand and navigate a very confusing world.

While Renay was speaking at our gala, Wanda stood next to her, beaming and thoroughly enjoying being the under the spotlight. As soon as Renay finished, Wanda asked if she could speak. She took the microphone and with a strong voice told everyone how much she enjoyed the evening and being at Morgan Autism Center. She was so unexpectedly spontaneous it was wonderful to hear, unrehearsed and unpolished, but herself. And that was perfect and a perfect tribute to the many years of the Morgan Autism Center.