The Holidays with Autism

Holidays are the time we want to be with our families, even when it involves the trials of travel, traffic delays, and of course, the turkey. (If people really love turkey so much, why don't we eat it more often? I think maybe its symbolic of the holidays - if we did it any more often, we'd likely kill one another). And yet..... everyone loves the holidays, right? Stress and the holidays seem to go hand in hand and it all seems to be about this idea of getting together with our families. Why is that? What is it about our families that make us slightly (or maybe totally) crazy? Maybe its because we tend to anticipate how others may behave or what may be said, and if that expectation materializes, it can activate long held-in-check emotions. Or maybe its just because too much emphasis is put on the idea of everyone in the same place at the same time - and being happy while doing it.

But what is this ostensibly Norman Rockwell scene like for families with children with autism? When families congregate, typically the adults expect to have time catching up on all the goings on since the last visit and the children are expected to have fun playing because, it is assumed, all children love to play. But that's not likely to happen when there is a child with autism around. No doubt, some adult will have to watch the child carefully. And that usually means being in a separate room by themselves watching "Thomas the Train" or other favorite that will keep the child occupied and not running through the house disturbing all those others who want to be together. How fun is that?? Not exactly in the spirit of the holidays and sharing!

Love and acceptance of any person has to mean being happy with them the way they are, not the way we wish them to be. And maybe that's the problem for all of us when the holidays come around. We want our relatives to be the picture of contented 'normalcy' and to be kind, generous, and accommodating of all our foibles. Shouldn't that be true also for families with kids with autism? Don't they belong somewhere in that picture? Since we know in advance that the holidays won't be as perfect as they are hyped up to be, perhaps we should re-think having fun on intense family days, such as Thanksgiving. Maybe renting a jump house for all the kids would make more sense than trying to make the kids with autism be something they aren't.